Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
