Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
