Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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