He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
