just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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