It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
