I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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