If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
