my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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