I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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