New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Even my vagina gasped.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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