my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
