Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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