Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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