I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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