We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
