I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
