She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
