Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
