New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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