allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
