Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize