My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
