A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your tits are I can't wait for
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
