I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
