come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
