Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
