Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
