Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize