Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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