I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
