in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize