There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
