this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
