apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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