You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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