dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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