are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want to make out with him forever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
