put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
