tell your sister to shave her snatch
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my liver is dry heaving
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
