3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
