you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
