I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
