I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
