Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
