doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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