I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
