After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
