The maid of honor just puked.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
