she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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