If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
