she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
