please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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