I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
