Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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