I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
