the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
