That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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