Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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