went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
