somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
