So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
