dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
