Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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