Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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