how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
