I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
