At least make sure they are 18
Why
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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