i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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