wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am mentally ready for anal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
