ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I did not marry a roomba.
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