I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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