you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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