Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
