i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
