The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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