Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
