My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
