dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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