I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
not ubering you a puppy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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