we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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