I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
