wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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