if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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