she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
