at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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