No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
