based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
