You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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