i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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