Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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