So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
