he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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