he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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