What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
