My room smells like vodka and shame
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it hurts more in the daytime
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
