My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
