Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
