So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
