Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
