We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
