Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
