So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
