Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
