you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
high people should be assigned attendants
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
